I think I'll pass on the turkey and go for the pie. Photo by Dale C via Flickr.
I can’t begin to count the number of times that I have experienced that awkward moment when my family passes around the freshly-carved turkey at Thanksgiving dinner. Being a vegetarian, when the de-feathered thing makes its way to me, I simply hold up the tray for the person next to me to carefully choose his or her succulent pieces of that year’s bird. The duty of tray-holder was even difficult those years I’d relapsed back into being a carnivore. I’m only ever able to pick out a few tiny pieces of dry, white meat, fearing the slimy, dark stuff and its similarities to human flesh. Therefore, the tray remains as heavy as ever. My family gawks at me as I either eat an unacceptably small amount of meat or no turkey at all. As a result, instead of an after-dinner tryptophan-induced nap, I am left with sore wrists and low self-esteem.
Okay so maybe I don’t literally have sore wrists and despite any protests by the tryptophanites I will still claim a spot on the couch. As I stretch out amongst the cushy pillows, I will let them know that it’s actually just eating a large amount of food that causes sleepiness and that my blood is working just as hard as theirs to pump itself to my stomach to digezzzzzzzz …
And I’m out cold.
So how does a vegetarian fall asleep too early in the evening alongside carnivorous family members? Two words: pumpkin pie. Okay actually five words: pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes. Oh no wait, 22 words: pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes and stuffing (made with vegetable stock separately on the stove and not shoved into the bird carcass). I’m high maintenance (it’s no wonder some family members find my vegetarianism difficult to chew). But I digress, the point here is that vegetarians too can enjoy this meat-centric holiday.
As for you vegans out there who have sworn off cheese and cream and milk and all the ingredients that go into so many non-meat Thanksgiving dishes, I salute you.
—Audrey Frischman